It’s been a long 8 months around here. June 1, 2019, my former foster dog Luna attacked my personal dog Petunia. Both with tortured pasts. Both with dog aggression in their souls. Due to safety reasons, Animal Control would not allow me to place Luna and she was put to sleep in my arms.

Three weeks later, after we thought all was healed physically, Petunia’s emotional scars surfaced. She started to attack her favorite pack member, Jojo. While I try to not anthropomorphize my dogs, these two were best friends through and through. To watch her turn on him and start to kick his ass crushed my soul. How could she want to do so much harm to her bestie? It’s important to remember that we are living with animals and incorporating them into our domestic world.

I’ve struggled with it for all these months and I’m tired. Tired of separating dogs. Tired of having two packs. Tired of watching them both struggle with their forms of PTSD. For many months, Jojo would enter the play yard and scan it. It wasn’t until Miss Daisy, my Animal Control foster dog, showed up in November that he found his courage again. Even his brothers couldn’t convince him he was safe. But Daisy, the old pittie girl with cancer and no hearing, rolled in here and blew life into my old boy.

I watched her a couple weeks ago give a silent and confident look toward Petunia that said “knock it off” in body language only a balanced dog can display. I can teach ‘til I’m blue in the face but frankly, only a confident and balanced dog can really reach a dog and make it clear that “that bullshit you’re doing is not acceptable here”. So here was an old pittie who restored my faith in pitties ‘cause I was having some doubts to be frank.

I hired a new employee a few weeks ago who forgot the cardinal rule. Lock the fecking doggie door so that Petunia is secured inside the home while you rotate client dogs to potty outside. Imagine my horror when I woke up to dogs screaming. My dog was the instigator who intended to do harm.

I’ve seen things from Petunia that hurt my heart. And it hurts deeply while I watch her continue to struggle in circles. I try to not hold on to feelings and to be neutral but honestly, I’m disappointed in her. You realize who needs the work here, don’t you? Me. And I’m trying…

The other morning, Jojo was in bed with us and I decided to call Petunia in from her kennel. Jojo is so relaxed nowadays because Daisy has erased his PTSD in the three months since she arrived. I thank God every day I pulled her from Animal Control to be my foster dog. She was meant to stay forever and is now my lead training dog.

Anyway, Jojo was chilling in bed and I invited Petunia to jump in. She did with joy and then looked at Jojo as if to say “oh holy shit, what are you doing here?”. She hackled for a minute and trembled through her fight or flight hormone response and I sat with her. She IS a dog who understands everything I say. “Petunia, it’s all in your head. Jojo loves you and forgives you. Mommy forgives you. It’s time to let it go”.

We just laid there doing nothing. She smelled him. He smelled her. I talked her through it gently and calmly.

Even though I will not ever trust her again to be alone with him, I believe another piece of healing took place. It’s important for all of us to move through this. Jojo is most likely in his final days of life. Not dying of anything in particular except wonderful old age.

I feel a little lighter in my heart knowing that when it’s his time to transition, Petunia made her amends to him, I made my amends with Petunia and Miss Daisy filled that broken heart of ours with her own brash, ballsy abundant pittie love.